hello to all my old blogger friends

Hello everyone! I know it has been a long time since I've updated. If you don't remember, I went off to school at Montana Wilderness School of the Bible back in August. This year has truly changed my life. I am in love with the Lord. I don't think I've ever known what that looked like until this year.

This year has been all about casting down idols in my life in order to see the face of my Father, who was hidden beneath idols of intellectualism and academic achievement and the pursuit of a career and seeking approval from my family and friends. I've realized that these things don't matter--they are earthly pursuits, and all that matters is seeking God with all my heart and seeking to do His will above all else.

Back in the fall I was pursuing a career in teaching through a prestigious program that, looking back on it, I really only wanted because I knew that it was prestigious and would "establish" myself within the academic community and among my family and friends. I was looking for approval from family, friends, and the intellectual world rather than from God, whose approval matters above all else.

Last semester was all about realizing that, and this semester has been all about trying with all my heart to cast down the idols in my life. Academic pursuit has always been a huge one of mine, and even now it is still literally embarrassing not to be pursuing a Master's degree in the future and not pursuing a career. But I've realized that all that matters is to truly be seeking God above all else, and my worth is not found in how many degrees I have and of what standing. God doesn't care about that, He only cares about my heart and what I'm doing to serve Him.

Psalm 37:4 states, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I was not truly delighting myself in the world, I was delighting myself in worldly pleasures and pursuits. I hope now that I truly am finding my worth only in God and nothing else, and I pray that only He satisfies me and nothing else will.

Right now, my dream is to move to Seattle in August with one of my friends here at school and start a ministry there. We are praying about this daily and seeking God's will continually. Last semester, I never would have embarked on such a journey, because my goals were self-gratifying and faithless. Now, I want to start a ministry based on faith--I don't much care what kind of job I have as long as it pays my bills and gives me enough left over that I can give over to God's kingdom work.

This year has been a huge year of pain and change and molding me into the person that God wants me to be, so I apologize for not blogging more often. Honestly, this year was so intense that emotionally I was just drained. How freeing it is to give it all over to God and trust in His provision rather than my own! I will try to blog regularly again now that my life is so changed and I'm not so tangled up in my self-indulgence any longer. Hopefully this is a continual truth in my life rather than a passing breath. God is so good.