following my Glorious

Americorps job in Washington!

2010-05-18T11:21:00.003-05:00

Well, I was accepted for a position with Americorps starting September 1! I will be working at Federal Way Public Schools, which is about 25 miles or so outside of Seattle.

Job description is as follows: "AmeriCorps members serve the community by providing academic tutoring in the Federal Way Public Schools and within the community. Furthermore, AmeriCorps members participate in civic leadership, establish Neighborhood Emergency Teams (NET), and recruit community volunteers."

I'm so excited to be doing a job that matters, serving youth who have trouble in school, and giving hope to kids and helping them accomplish their goals. I've been searching for an opportunity to work with youth in schools for a long time, and I just can't believe I found something in the Seattle area.

As I stated in a previous post, my friend Chelsea and I are passionate about starting a ministry for the homeless and for drug addicts in the Seattle area, and we are very passionate about working with youth in particular. We also want to start some kind of discipleship program in the area. Seattle is the 7th most dangerous city in the nation for homeless people to live, and is the most unchurched city in the entire nation. The need for hope in Christ in the Seattle area is huge, and we just want to show God's heart to the people there. I was planning on moving out to the Seattle area no matter what, even if it meant going out there and living with Chelsea for a few months while I tried to find a job, because we are so sure that God wants us there to start a ministry. God just keeps opening doors for this to happen, and it's incredible to see.

Please pray that Chelsea and the other girl we will be living with, named Bekah, will be able to find the perfect house in the perfect location, and that we will start a ministry all in God's timing and not our own. Also, please pray for me and this new job opportunity, that I will be strengthened by the Lord and that He will be my portion each day, that I will be able to endure difficulty and hardship, as well as being able to manage the small amount of money I will be making with Americorps for the next year.

hello to all my old blogger friends

2010-04-15T21:22:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone! I know it has been a long time since I've updated. If you don't remember, I went off to school at Montana Wilderness School of the Bible back in August. This year has truly changed my life. I am in love with the Lord. I don't think I've ever known what that looked like until this year.

This year has been all about casting down idols in my life in order to see the face of my Father, who was hidden beneath idols of intellectualism and academic achievement and the pursuit of a career and seeking approval from my family and friends. I've realized that these things don't matter--they are earthly pursuits, and all that matters is seeking God with all my heart and seeking to do His will above all else.

Back in the fall I was pursuing a career in teaching through a prestigious program that, looking back on it, I really only wanted because I knew that it was prestigious and would "establish" myself within the academic community and among my family and friends. I was looking for approval from family, friends, and the intellectual world rather than from God, whose approval matters above all else.

Last semester was all about realizing that, and this semester has been all about trying with all my heart to cast down the idols in my life. Academic pursuit has always been a huge one of mine, and even now it is still literally embarrassing not to be pursuing a Master's degree in the future and not pursuing a career. But I've realized that all that matters is to truly be seeking God above all else, and my worth is not found in how many degrees I have and of what standing. God doesn't care about that, He only cares about my heart and what I'm doing to serve Him.

Psalm 37:4 states, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I was not truly delighting myself in the world, I was delighting myself in worldly pleasures and pursuits. I hope now that I truly am finding my worth only in God and nothing else, and I pray that only He satisfies me and nothing else will.

Right now, my dream is to move to Seattle in August with one of my friends here at school and start a ministry there. We are praying about this daily and seeking God's will continually. Last semester, I never would have embarked on such a journey, because my goals were self-gratifying and faithless. Now, I want to start a ministry based on faith--I don't much care what kind of job I have as long as it pays my bills and gives me enough left over that I can give over to God's kingdom work.

This year has been a huge year of pain and change and molding me into the person that God wants me to be, so I apologize for not blogging more often. Honestly, this year was so intense that emotionally I was just drained. How freeing it is to give it all over to God and trust in His provision rather than my own! I will try to blog regularly again now that my life is so changed and I'm not so tangled up in my self-indulgence any longer. Hopefully this is a continual truth in my life rather than a passing breath. God is so good.

Ruth Institute conference and other things

2009-06-03T12:15:00.005-05:00

I really need to start writing more in this blog! Now that summer's afoot I really should start devoting more time to it. Here marks my resolution to try! :-)

I spent the weekend moving back to my parents' house for the summer. I found someone to take over my part of the lease for my apartment for the summer--that way I can save some money and pay off my credit card before I leave for Montana. My parents moved into a smaller apartment after I moved away from home five years ago, so I'm in the spare bedroom sharing a room with my mom (because my dad snores and my mom can't sleep because of it, lol!). Quarters are slightly cramped but that's alright. Theoretically the small space of the apartment and the room could really be annoying, but most of my evenings are spent downtown with friends and doing various things anyway, so it won't be too bad. Good to save money in any case, and it will also be good to spend some more time with my parents before I leave for Montana (and wherever else after that!).

I just received word that I have been accepted to attend the "It Takes a Family to Raise a Village" conference in San Diego this August. It is hosted by the Ruth Institute, which is a project of the National Organization for Marriage. It is being hosted at The University of San Diego, which is a Catholic university. The purpose of the conference is to provide political and social reasoning for the protection of marriage. This is going to be great, because while I can theologically defend marriage between a man and a woman, it is much more difficult to defend marriage outside of Biblical principles. The website says that students can expect to be exposed to "Faculty members from across many academic disciplines, students and faculty from across the faith traditions that support natural marriage," and "like-minded students from different schools."

It seems like it's going to be a sort of conglomeration of various types of belief and thought, but all directed towards the common purpose of marriage between a man and a woman. I guess we'll see if that's truly the case when the time comes. I'm very excited for this opportunity! I never would have been able to attend if they hadn't accepted my application for a travel voucher, either. I don't usually apply for things like this because I'm always so doubtful that my requests for monetary support will be granted. That's actually why I never applied for scholarships in school--because I thought it would just be a huge waste of time since there's no way they would even consider my requests. I'm starting to realize that it's not actually a waste of time at all--people do grant requests. It's funny how we humans think, sometimes.

This actually can be compared to my relationship with Jesus in a huge way. Because I never believe that I can accept anything from Him, and usually never believe He's offering me anything, either. The concept of grace and salvation is sometimes just too much for me, I halfway don't believe it sometimes. A lot of times. It's difficult to even let people pray for me on an individual basis because of this. If we're in a huge group accepting prayer requests from everyone then I feel fine, but if someone just wants to pray for me and only me, then I feel weird and uncomfortable about it. I feel weird asking God for things for myself. I'm not sure if that's because I just feel totally undeserving and like I should be punished for sin, or because I just don't truly believe that God loves me, or what.

Wow, I intended this post to be informative and ended up on a tangent filled with angst and self-analysis. Sorry about that!

Anywayz--for more information about the conference, visit the website. There's already conflict over the conference, which is to be expected I guess. On a blog I found recently, the author condemns it, saying that the conference "invites students to discover the fun in denying and eliminating the fundamental rights of their fellow citizens who happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender." He goes on to say, "It would be fabulous if San Diego’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender student activist community signed up and showed up. Best of all, it’s absolutely free." He then directs visitors to the online application.

I find this sort of thing to be both sad and irritating. I understand that supporters of same-sex marriage consider it a personal affront to their liberty that there are people who want to deny them this "right." However, I would never ask my fellow anti-homosexual-marriage friends to sign up for a conference for gay marriage just so that we can "infiltrate" and attack proponents of gay marriage from "within." It's so ridiculous to me that the argument has gotten so hostile. Why can't people just communicate with civility?

It also irks me that proponents of same-sex marriage say that people like me are intolerant for only wanting heterosexual marriage to be lawful. This whole idea of "tolerance" is completely erroneous and illogical. After all, if I, as an opponent of same-sex marriage, want to join the administrative board for an LGBT group--or even to volunteer for such a group--I would be denied because of my beliefs, right? LGBT groups promote tolerance for all people, but the nature of their group is such that inherent within it is an intolerance for any other kind of belief system that opposes same-sex marriage or LGBT lifestyles. There really is no such thing as "tolerance," because the very nature of belief systems will not allow for all-inclusiveness.

Phew. Now that I've gotten all that off my chest, I'll wrap up by saying that I'm going to start a website soon, which is intended to keep track of the happenings in Montana. If I get it going soon enough, though, I'll probably be adding a link to the Ruth Institute conference, as well. I'm so excited that I got accepted to this conference, with the travel voucher and all! I really need to start believing that I'll get accepted to things I apply for. Especially now that I'm starting to apply for grad schools and such. Self-confidence undoubtedly shines through in personal essays, but self-doubt is probably even more obvious.

Long time No write!

2009-05-07T20:45:00.004-05:00

Wow, it's been a very, VERY long while.

Two words: Thesis. Finished.

w00t!

And, more exciting news: I've now officially graduated and hold a Bachelor of Arts in English. Finally. I thought this day would never arrive.

Okay, now that that's out of the way. :-D

I leave for Montana Wilderness School of the Bible on August 20th, and I plan to spend the summer READING READING READING everything I can get my hands on, because FINALLY I don't have to worry about school. For three months, anyway. :-) My other summer adventure is going to be applying to graduate schools in New York for social work.

My other summer project is going to be trying to learn as much as I can about apologetics. I keep being bombarded with questions from non-believers that I can't answer, and I keep coming back to 1 Peter 3:15, which says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Mostly I think that the answers we can give people about our faith do not necessarily have to be grounded in solid evidence, because faith, after all, is an expression of fealty when solid evidence does not always exist--faith doesn't exist when everything is proven beyond a doubt, yeah? But as Christians we should be able to intelligently defend our faith to the best of our ability, and learn as much as we can about the history of Christianity and the philosophy behind the faith so that we have something to say besides "well, Jesus says it's wrong" or "the Bible says so" when we're faced with our peers' arguments.

More and more I've been faced with this sort of skepticism. It's interesting because when I tell people I'm going to school for Biblical studies next year, they always ask why, and I'll say something like "I want to learn as much as I can about theology and Christianity." At first they don't say anything, but as the discussion gets deeper and they realize that I actually claim the faith as my own rather than just wanting to learn about it, they start turning questions on me that I can't answer right away, questions about the reasons for events in the Bible, and prophecies, and philosophies, and everything else that I can't adequately answer at the moment. Usually I'll say something to the effect of "this is why I'm going to school, so I can learn about those things and be able to respond to those kinds of questions." Because I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you honestly don't know the answers, especially if you're actively trying to find out the answers yourself. But it gets frustrating to have to say over and over again, "I don't know, I don't know." I'm practically starving for Bible school right now.

I've been thinking more about what I want to do after Montana, hence my applying to schools for social work in New York. I've always wanted to live in New York--the Manhattan or Brooklyn area--and I'd love to practice some sort of social work there. But if God is calling me for some other kind of missions work there, that'd be amazing too. I want to do something good there, and I know that social work can open up tons of doors for me. That's the plan for the moment--unless God decides to dramatically turn my world upside down, which I'm no stranger to--hehe. Either way, the next couple of years are bound to be pretty interesting.

Prayers for my cousins

2009-01-18T08:58:00.005-06:00

Hi blogger friends!

I would like to request prayer from my readers this week -- I am visiting my cousins Jake, Joe, Leah, and Rachael until this Wednesday. They were raised Catholic, but I am not sure if they still believe in God, or if they do I think they have turned away from Him.

I try to visit my cousins about once every two or three months -- I have no brothers and sisters, and I almost feel like my cousins are the siblings I never had. We are very close, and I would hate to lose the closeness that I have with them.

I rededicated my life to Christ only this past summer, and it's since been difficult to be around my cousins, because they quite regularly mock tenets of Christianity that I hold dear to my heart, things like abstinence, the need for Christ, and setting your life apart from the world.

It's difficult when I'm around them, I never know what I should or shouldn't say. I'm praying that God will give me guidance and provide opportunities to tell my family what I believe without them feeling like I'm intrusive -- the last thing I want them to be is standoffish when I'm trying to show them the love of Jesus through my actions and words.

Please pray for me, that God will bless me and my cousins, Jake, Joe, Leah, and Rachael, and show me the ways in which I can witness to them. Pray that God will open their hearts to His message.

Also, keep in prayer my cousin Jake, who is in remission from cancer, but is suffering from depression. Pray that God will reveal Himself to Jake in a HUGE way so that he knows he's not alone. I have requested prayers for Jake before, please read this post to reread and make prayers more specific. Thank you SO MUCH.

That Age Old Question

2009-01-14T20:54:00.002-06:00

Alright blogger friends -- I'm in need of your opinions and advice!

One of my friends posted the following in a note on facebook about homosexual relationships. I have many friends who are gay, so this is particularly difficult to face because if I am too adamant about the fact that I don't believe homosexual relationships are okay, it closes the doors to those friendships and potential witnessing opportunities. When confronted with this kind of post, I never know how to respond or even if I should. I do not know enough about the history of the Bible and the original Hebrew and the culture and whatnot to be able to give any sort of legitimate response. When faced with these issues, most of the time I say nothing for fear that my response will be detrimental rather than helpful. If you know of any books on the subject that would be awesome. College kids especially face this issue all the time. With the recent political developments and controversies, protests are common occurrences on campus. What sorts of responses do you give when faced with these arguments? And man, I wonder how fired up and boiling over you all are going to be after reading these!

A lesson about the book of Leviticus

Homophobic fundamentalists often quote two particular verses that seem to be against gay people. These two verses, both of which appear in the book of Leviticus, are . . .

"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." (Leviticus 18:22)

and . . .

"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13)

Below, we'll take a look at other scripture verses that are in the exact same book (Leviticus) as the above verse. This exercise proves that those preachers who are so enthusiastic about quoting the book of Leviticus to affirm their personal prejudice against people who are gay or lesbian become awfully quiet when it comes to other verses that appear in the very same book.

Remember, this isn't about faith whatsoever. It's about people who have pre-existing anti-gay prejudice in their hearts. They choose the Christian Bible as the tool with which they attempt to affirm and legitimize that pre-existing prejudice.

Sadly, the truth is that they just don't like gay people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him." (Leviticus 20:9)

Imagine what would happen today if we killed every child who was disrespectful to his parents. Fundamentalists explain this verse away, saying that it is part of the Old Levitical Holiness Code and is not meant to be taken literally.

But the above verse is just a mere 3 verses before Leviticus 20:13, one of their favorite anti-gay scriptures which, of course, they do choose to apply literally.

It's just incredible, isn't it?

Fundamentalists change their entire methodology of scriptural interpretation when it suits their purpose, even when dealing with verses that are a just couple of sentences away from each other!

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"If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has discovered her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from her people." (Leviticus 20:18)

Imagine what would happen today if we deported every man and woman who had ever had sex together while the woman was having her period. Fundamentalists decline the opportunity to take this verse literally, which is merely 5 verses after Leviticus 20:13.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45)

Did you ever wonder where racist, uneducated people in the 19th century got the idea that slaves were just property and not people? Directly from the above verse, which fundamentalists do not, of course, take literally.

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"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." (Leviticus 19:27)

"Bible-believing" fundamentalists never preach against the evils of shaving, as they do not take this verse literally for our day. Of course, they most certainly would do so if they had a personal bias against shaving, but apparently, they do not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...and the swine, though it divides the hoof, having cloven hooves, yet does not chew the cud, is unclean to you." (Leviticus 11:7)

As you can see, the book of Leviticus also prohibits the eating of pork (a swine is a pig). Of course, fundamentalists do not choose to use this verse to preach against eating pork. Sadly, however, they have no problem abusing the Bible to condemn gay and lesbian people. Remember, it's about their personal prejudice against gay people, not about a true desire to understand what the Bible actually says.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." (Leviticus 19:19)

Farmers in this country almost always grow more than one kind of crop in their fields. In fact, they often must do so for ecological reasons. Fundamentalists do not apply this verse literally. If they were to preach against farmers, there would be an uproar, and rightfully so.

Fundamentalists also ignore the Biblical command to not wear clothes that have two different kinds of material. The shirts that many fundamentalists are often seen wearing must be a cotton/polyester blend, the most common in the United States of America. They may be "Bible believing" Christians, but this is yet another verse that they don't believe should be applied to today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An "abomination?"

Fundamentalists also like to use Leviticus 18:22 to justify their anti-gay prejudice. That verse says, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." Perhaps you have heard some people refer to gay people as an "abomination." They get the idea directly from Leviticus 18:22. But did you know...

* The Bible says that eating shrimp and lobster is an abomination:

"But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you." (Leviticus 11:10)

"They (shellfish) shall be an abomination to you; you shall not eat their flesh, but you shall regard their carcasses as an abomination." (Leviticus 11:11)

"Whatever in the water does not have fins or scales; that shall be an abomination to you." (Leviticus 11:12)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In conclusion . . .

The above exercise proves that anti-gay fundamentalists selectively quote the Bible. They enthusiastically and openly embrace those parts of the Bible which affirm and justify their own personal, pre-existing prejudice against gay people, while declining to become as enthusiastic about verses like the ones listed above.

After all, how many times have you heard a fundamentalist say that eating shellfish was an abomination? But they sure don't hesitate to say it about gay people, do they? What does that tell you?

***********

And then someone responded to my friend's post with this:

Another important thing to look at is the translation. Most of the current bibles are misquoted because they are watered down from the original text. If you were to take the original hebrew texts and translate them directly, first of all some of the words wouldn't be able to translate into english, but the actual closest translation of that leviticus verse is: "Man shall not lay with another man in a womans bed, it is ritually unclean." or something like that, but the basic meaning is the same, it isn't prohibiting two men from having a physical contact relationship, it's just prohibiting the relationship from being performed in a space where the same relationship has been performed with a woman, if that makes sense. It's saying that a woman's bed is only ritually clean for an act of heterosexual sex. Ritually meaning in that time sex was something that was only deemed appropriate under the eyes of god to procreate. And that homosexual sex must be done elsewhere. The original texts only condemn homosexual sex when it is in the form of rape, sex slavery, adultery, or ritual sex held in pagan temples under a pagan god. But nowhere in a properly translated bible does it ever condemn two men from loving each other and commiting themselves to each other eternally.

Please voice your opinions, and give advice as you feel called to! I just am at such a loss.

Starting with Genesis!

2009-01-04T09:13:00.003-06:00

It's been awhile since I've updated! Christmas was absolutely wonderful, except for the part where I got the stomach flu! Well, I didn't get it until a couple days after Christmas so THANK GOD for that, because I would have been devastated if I missed out on all of the festivities! I spent Christmas in Missouri with my family, but two out of the five days we were there I was stuck in bed. Oh well! I was well enough the day before we had to leave to hang out with the family, which was nice -- but then the day after my parents and I got back from Missouri, my mom and I came down with this awful cold that we've had ever since! And wow, it's an awful cold! I basically haven't been doing anything but lounging around and watching television -- I haven't even been reading too much because my eyes can't stay focused long enough to comprehend anything, I just start to fall asleep!

Today, I'm better though. After five days of doing absolutely nothing but lying on my parents' couch watching tv, I feel like maybe tomorrow I'll be back in the swing of things, ready to head back to work, and maybe even back to my apartment! Haha....

On to other matters -- I've decided to read through the Bible using the Book-at-a-Time Bible Reading Plan. I found a whole bunch of plans for reading the Bible in a year at Justin Taylor's blog Between Two Worlds -- check them out here. He includes detailed descriptions of the plans, as well as links to print-outs that you can just keep stored in your Bible for the whole year, with checkmark boxes to keep track of where you are, just in case you accidentally skip a day (which I tend to do sometimes).

Because I've been sick, I have to catch up on four days of reading today -- probably not the best way to start the whole read-the-Bible-in-a-year thing, but hey, what can you do if you've been sick, right?? Right? :-D

This morning, I read Genesis 1-11, and here were some of the interesting links I discovered when I was doing my side-research/cross-referencing:

GIANTS:

Giants of the Bible

Who are the Nephilim mentioned in the book of Genesis?

NOAH'S ARK:

Agri, Mt. Ararat, Noah's Ark, Turkey (where the Ark has supposedly been found)

Noah's Ark Overview

THE CURSING OF HAM'S SON:

Why Did Noah curse Ham/Canaan?

Why Did Noah Curse Canaan?

CREATION OF LANGUAGES (TOWER OF BABEL):

The Spread of the Nations

Do any of you have any thoughts regarding these subjects? Not to go and make you read all of these links, of course, but do any comments come to the top of your head as you look at the topics?

Have any of you decided to follow a plan to read the Bible in a year?

Those snowy pictures

2008-12-24T20:26:00.010-06:00

Here are some of those snowy pictures that I promised. Yay Christmas!!!! More will probably follow soon enough.

The snow plow clearing the road in my parents' apartment complex.

I love the gazebo.

My dad had to shovel before the family dog, Vivian, could use the puppy facilities.

Vivian could barely see over the snow. Poor puppy!

My mom and I decided to bake cookies -- this is me mixing the dry stuff.

My mom holding up the finished product.

My dad and Vivian.

purity

2008-12-18T20:06:00.004-06:00

This may sound like a weird question -- but does anyone personally know any young adults who believe that God commands us to wait to have sexual relations until we are married? I know very few people that believe this to be true -- and this is speaking of my Christian friends. The argument is that there is not any verse in the Bible that says "thou shalt not have sex before marriage." Have any of you been questioned about this by either non-Christians or your fellow Christian friends? Do they think you're crazy for believing that God intended sex for marriage and marriage only?

On to more positive things -- I'm so excited for Christmas! I love the snow and the decorations and getting together with family and baking cookies and the midnight candlelight Christmas Eve service! I may post some holiday pictures soon. :-D What is everyone doing for Christmas?

feeling a bit discouraged

2008-12-04T06:59:00.003-06:00

For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.

John 3:20

I'm having a lot of problems at the legal clinic lately. I think in previous posts I've mentioned the legal clinic but I may not have made it clear what I do there -- I volunteer at the University Legal Clinic at my college as a paralegal. There are about 15 volunteer paralegals, and we all put in 10 hours per week. We have a lot of free time (10 hours is actually way too much time to volunteer in a week when we have that many paralegals), so we basically end up just sitting around, talking, doing homework, and generally socializing.

Lately, for some reason, Christianity has come up a lot as a topic of discussion, but never in a good way. It's become fun for the other paralegals to sit around and jest about Christianity, and the fun topic for this week was to mock the fact that people think Jesus never sinned. Apparently, the Bible itself says that Jesus sinned -- when he cleansed the temple, driving people out forcefully and overturning tables. It was amusing to me, because my fellow paralegals inadvertently acknowledged the fact that there is a moral compass of right and wrong in which wrong can be defined as sin. But it was also interesting to me that they defined anger as sin. So I told them that all the story was saying is that it's okay to be angry enough to turn over tables if in fact there is a righteous reason behind your anger. They also were mocking the story of Jesus and the fig tree, in which Jesus sees a fig tree bearing no fruit, and goes up to it and tells it that it will never bear fruit again and it immediately withers and dies. The others thought it was hilarious that Jesus just went up to this tree and denounced it because it had no fruit, not understanding that it was a metaphor for something else entirely. I didn't touch this one, and I feel like my comment about Jesus's righteous anger wasn't enough. I'm disappointed in myself because I can't ever find the right words to say when I'm in these kinds of situations, and I wish I could because I just sit there so peeved that they have no consideration for Christians who believe in Jesus as their Saviour. There never seem to be any discussions mocking any other religion, or discussing the intricacies of Buddhism or Islam and why various parts of those bibles are ridiculous. It's amazing to me that Christians are so persecuted, and no one that's doing the persecuting can see or understand that. When I say to someone I am a Christian, they immediately try to influence me not to believe. When I hear the person sitting next to me say they are a Buddhist, others say "Wow, that's great." It's simply amazing, and is more proof to me of Christianity than anything else sometimes.

traversing to Montana!

2008-11-22T07:32:00.005-06:00

Psalm 119:36-37

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.

I have been accepted to Montana Wilderness School of the Bible, and God-willing, will be attending from August 2009-June 2010. Click here to read the courses I will be taking!

I am nervous, excited, elated, relieved... I have so very many different emotions at the moment. I'm so thrilled to have this opportunity to study the Bible for an entire year, and in the wild no less, where right out my back door I'll be able to see cougars and bears and other animals, and be able to hike and camp and backpack at my leisure.

But this means I'm going to have to sell a bunch of my stuff in order to help pay for my tuition, and also to make sure that I'm not going to have to keep a million things in storage while I'm gone. The storage areas in my parents' house are definitely not that large, so I'm sure that a large majority of my furniture is going to have to go, and probably quite a few of my books, as well.

My book and DVD collection is something I CHERISH, completely cherish, and it's going to be really hard to sell away some of it. I of course will not be getting rid of everything -- just things that can bring in some moolah, and only for the purpose of both paying for school and making room for stuff in storage. I've been selling a lot of the tv-on-dvd that I own, and that has definitely been super difficult for me. Even stuff that I haven't watched since I first purchased the DVDs, and stuff that I don't even really like that much (like Roswell seasons 2 and 3, for example -- hah!), it's been really hard to get myself to list those things on Amazon and not feel something clench inside of me that says "No! Your babies!"

Yes, I realize I have a small addiction to my collection, and to tv-on-dvd. Snicker out loud. And books? Let's not even go there. For every book I read, I buy 20 more. Enough said.

It's going to be even more difficult this Thanksgiving. I'm going to my cousin's house for Thanksgiving, and she's just as bad as I am -- and we have the exact same tastes in movies and books and tv. And every time I visit her, it's our tradition to go to the local used book/movie shops and buy a good $200 worth of new toys. And this time I'm going to have to resist that. Oh man.

So selling these things, and refraining from buying them? Très difficile. But hopefully God will give me the strength to do it, because time's a'ticking, and I get to whoooosh off to Montana in less than a year now!!

How am I going to adjust from the Milwaukee city life to the tranquil outdoors of the backwoods of Montana? Who knows! But I'll likely be blogging about it like crazy once I get there, and I'm sure you'll all read those entries voraciously. :-D

awards, woohoo!

2008-11-21T13:09:00.005-06:00

My friend Valerie has graciously shared two blog awards with me and a few other awesome bloggers!

Yay for blog awards brightening my day! I've had such an awful headache today, I think I might be getting a 24-hour bug or something. This cheered me up so much. Thank you God for giving me such kind, lovely, considerate, magnificent, beautiful, uplifting, insert-other-amazing-adjectives-here blogger friends!! Hehe! Especially because I've only been on blogger for a short time now. Have you noticed that with Christian friends, you're able to form friendships that are so much deeper than non-Christian friendships, and that it usually happens faster, too? I love that. Just love it.

Praise Jesus for Christian friends!

tagged? whaattt?

2008-11-21T07:43:00.003-06:00

Apparently I've been tagged which means that I must now enumerate fifteen random facts about myself to you readers. So here we go:

1. I review television shows for another blog under a pseudonym.
2. My favorite tv shows are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Supernatural, The O.C., Alias, and Veronica Mars.
3. I am writing a memoir.
4. I embrace vegan eating habits. (There is indeed a difference between proclaiming oneself as a vegan and simply embracing a vegan diet.)
5. The thing I miss most about not embracing a vegan diet? Honey.
6. I am an only child.
7. I always wished I had an older brother.
8. If I could choose only one type of food to eat for the rest of my life, I would choose Middle Eastern food.
9. I eat tomatoes like apples.
10. If you put me in a group of people I don't know that well, I barely talk. If you put me in a group of my closest friends, I can't shut up.
11. My DVD collection is organized alphabetically by genre.
12. I have traveled to St. Maarten, France, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Gibraltar, Morocco, Egypt, and Austria.
13. On the weekends you can usually find me in the hookah lounge.
14. My father is a priest in the Charismatic Episcopal Church.
15. I drink black coffee like it's going out of style.

Now I taggg......

Valerie
Jon
Pat
Terry
Anybody who feels the urge to do this. :-D

In other news ----

I've been having a lot of trouble lately finding time to set aside for strictly Bible reading and books-about-Christianity reading. I've been so bogged down by school and work and studying and stressing out over things... and then even when I do find the time to read the Bible, I find that a lot of the other stressful things that are going on at the moment keep filtering in and disrupting my reading so I can't concentrate. I've been getting really frustrated with myself.

Then, Prodigal Jon posted on his blog "Stuff Christians Like" this entry. It's all about this very thing -- the problem that we sometimes have when we set aside time for God and find that it gets interrupted with our other thoughts. You really should go all read this entry -- it really uplifted me. Jon talks about how he imagines God saying to him, "No, let other thoughts come into your time with me, because I want all of you, I don't want you to shut off your life when you spend time with me, rather, I want you to give me every part of your life."

It was a good reminder to just let God, in Jon's words, "saturate" my entire life.

Ephesians 5:21-33

2008-11-14T08:58:00.004-06:00

I was at the legal clinic yesterday, and I don't know how it happened, but somehow Christianity came up. A girl was talking about how she grew up in a very conservative Pentecostal family, and how her parents are always ragging on her because she didn't grow up to be as charismatic or as conservative as they are. She mentioned that she doesn't believe in the whole Bible, but only parts of it, because the Bible was written by men and is very sexist. A guy who was listening to our conversation decided to jump in. He said something like "I hate Paul, he's such a sexist and a homophobe" and the girl agreed with him. I told them that it's basically all about interpretation -- it's not that Paul is sexist, and God certainly doesn't think that men and women are unequal in worth. Rather, men and women serve different roles within a marriage relationship, to reflect the relationship between God and Christ.

Of course, though, nothing came out like I wanted it to, and I didn't even really say too much, because they were so livid that I didn't really know how to jump in and be heard, if you know what I mean. It's hard to carry a civil conversation and make your point and not be jumped all over when the other party is just ready to argue. It makes me angry, because they'll sit there and complain about how Christians only want to argue and shout at people, but they're sitting there doing the exact same things. I absolutely hate argument and debate, especially when it gets hostile. So I didn't know what to say except try to jump in here and there with stuff like "well it just depends on your interpretation" or "I don't think that's what he's saying at all." And of course I go unheard.

I didn't even know how to approach the homosexuality issue at all. I have a lot of gay friends, and I hate stepping on toes with that issue, and I never know what to say, so I kind of just avoid it. But I don't feel good when the guy at the legal clinic says "I hate Paul because he's a homophobe" -- I hate ignoring it altogether, but I know I won't be heard if I try to explain what I believe. (read: I know I'll be hated.) And it's impossible to explain that there's a difference between being afraid of gay people and thinking that the gay lifestyle is wrong. To nonbelievers there really isn't a difference there, and it's hard to explain what the difference is to them. And they won't believe you when you say "just because it's a sin doesn't mean that it's any worse of a sin (or any better of a sin for that matter) than my sin," first of all because they don't think it's a sin in the first place, and second of all if they know you think it's a sin, they'll designate you as a homophobe when in fact that's not what you are at all.

All I can remind myself as I struggle is that "the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corinthians 1:18).

So how do you guys go about explaining your beliefs about these issues to nonbelievers? Do you stand strong in your convictions and debate and argue and engage in the discussion, or do you shy from the conversation? Do you try to jump in here and there, like I do, but for the most part feel completely inadequate as you try to stand up for God's Word? Mostly I feel like I just don't have the skills to debate nor the knowledge to really stand firm and win that debate, so I try not to get too engrossed in the conversation. How do you explain these tenets of Christianity? How do you show that even though God does not agree with homosexuality, he still loves the sinner, and is not a "homophobe"? How do you explain that just because a wife is supposed to submit to her husband, it does not mean that God devalues her?

Some thoughts for the day

2008-11-11T15:17:00.007-06:00

I'm sitting here at the legal clinic, listening to my coworkers as they talk back and forth over random things. I notice as I eavesdrop that they drop the "JC" bomb ALL the time. It's interesting to me that Jesus's name is the manner they use to utter profanities. Why don't people utter out "Buddha" or "Mohammed" when they want to curse? It says something to me about the power of Christ's name. It seems like there's this inherent knowledge within people that Jesus is the Way, and refusal to acknowledge Him, and even use His Holy Name to curse, is just blatant, deliberate disobedience.

It reminds me of how when something terrible happens, even the most avid atheist will utter, "Oh my God, Oh my God" in despair and shock. Maybe the person claims to be an atheist, but still, their first instinct is to cry out to God for deliverance.

My other thought for the day: How does everyone feel about the worship song "Blessed Be Your Name"? Presumably, the lyrics are taken from Job, "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be Your Name." I've run into a few people who have problems with the lyrics "You give and take away," the logic of course being that in the book of Job, God wasn't the one who took away from Job, Satan took away from Job. But I've heard others explain that they interpret the lyrics to mean that God takes away the suffering and pain of His people. What do you all think?

And just a reminder for everyone to please pray for my cousin Jake. See my previous blog entry for the full situation if you haven't read it yet. Thanks everyone.

Prayers for my cousin

2008-11-10T08:55:00.002-06:00

It's my cousin Jake's birthday today -- the big 18. My aunt is making a scrapbook for my grandma for Christmas, and as she was looking through photographs the other day, she found one of Jake when he was a baby and said to him, "Your kids are gonna be so cute, Jake. Just look at you!" Jake turned to her and said, "Mom, I'm not gonna be alive that long."

Jake was diagnosed with lymphoma a couple of years ago, and shortly after that he was diagnosed with scoliosis. He went through chemotherapy for his cancer and surgery for his scoliosis, and now he is in remission. However, this whole experience has made him depressed and not very hopeful about his life. His depression and poor outlook on life has caused him to make some very self-destructive decisions. He's been doing a lot of partying, and a lot of drunk driving. This is especially bad not only just because of the fact that it's drunk driving, but also because his license has been suspended due to the amount of speeding and reckless driving tickets he's gotten. If he gets a DUI, he will most likely have to spend some time in juvenile hall -- or, since he just turned 18, I guess that means he might get some actual jail time. I'm not sure how all of that works... but needless to say, not good.

No one can seem to get through to him. Jake really thinks that he's going to die, and therefore it isn't even worth it to try to live. This kid has genius IQ (literally), and yet he's failing school, and has no aspirations to go to college. I'm not sure if he's doing any drugs outside of alcohol, but I think that drugs are just around the corner if he keeps up with the partying and the friends that he has.

I ask for prayers for my cousin. Specifically:

1) That he would stay in remission from all disease.
2) That he would start to listen to, and hear, his parents and family when we tell him that we love him and care about him and only want the best for him.
3) That God would replace his depression with love and hope for the future.
4) That Jesus would nudge, prod, and draw Jake to himself and show him that he can be saved through the cross.
5) That Christian people would come into Jake's life and show him Christ's love through their actions and words.

Thanks everyone. And please, if you have friends that you know would be willing to pray for my cousin, send them the link to this blog entry.

"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan

2008-11-09T11:17:00.004-06:00

Chan's book is all about the crazy, insane love that Jesus has for His followers, and how we can show our love for Him by focusing on Him and His Word day and night, INCESSANTLY, and having our life reflect the commandments He's given us.

Chapters 1 and 2 are titled "Stop Praying" and "You Might Not Finish This Chapter." These chapters talk about how we should live our lives as a prayer, that we should glorify God in everything we do. We are not called to give God the last ten minutes of our day as we're laying in bed drifting off to sleep, but rather are called to worship him every moment, with every breath, every action, every thought, every single part of us. God could choose to take my life in the next five minutes, and what am I going to be doing if he does? Am I going to be living for the world, looking to others for acceptance and security, or am I going to be living my life for God, trusting only in Him, taking risks for Him and telling others about Him with both my words and actions?

Chapter 3 is called "Crazy Love." This is probably my favorite chapter of the book. Chan describes God's crazy, abundant love for us. He reminds us that we are not a burden to God, that He loves us and wants to be the focus of our lives. Chan says he didn't always live for God like this. "I tried hard not to annoy God with my sin or upset Him with my little problems. I had no aspiration of being wanted by God; I was just happy not to be hated or hurt by Him" (54). After he had children, Chan realized that He was looking at God incorrectly -- God does not want us to huddle in a corner, afraid to talk to Him or let him know our concerns and desires. He is not bothered by us when we go to Him in prayer, and does not get annoyed with us when we ask for things. God is our Father, our DAD, and He wants what is best for us, and wants us to run into His arms always -- whether we are afraid, or sad, or joyful, or excited. He ALWAYS wants us to come to Him. He wants us to turn to Him with our joys and sorrows before we turn to anyone else. Chan also discusses in this chapter what it means to fear Him. We should fear God just as much as we love Him -- we should never fear Him so much that we forget His love for us.

Chapters 4 and 5 are called "Profile of the Lukewarm" and "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God." Here, Chan outlines what a lukewarm Christian looks like, and reminds us of Revelation 3:16, in which God warns His followers that lukewarm Christians will be spit out of his mouth. He cautions Christians not to just give God the "leftovers" -- i.e. the spare change in your wallet, or the extra few minutes of the day before you go to bed. We should make God our top priority, and do everything we can do please and honor Him. We should give him our very best, not whatever we have left after we give the best away to someone or something else.

Chapters 6, 7, and 8 are titled "When You're in Love," "Your Best Life... Later," and "Profile of the Obsessed." Here, Chan discusses what our crazy love for God should look like. Chan talks about Jesus's promise that we will be rewarded after we leave this world, and that our job on this earth is to minister to others, whether it be by becoming missionaries elsewhere in the world or by ministering to people right where you are. When we are in love with Christ, we desire to give Him everything. Chan says, "Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers" (114).

Chapters 9 and 10 are titled "Who Really Lives That Way?" and "The Crux of the Matter." Chan gives examples of Christian ministries who have devoted their whole lives to furthering Christ's Kingdom and following His laws and commands through their love for Him, and how Christ has rewarded these ministries, and provided for them in their times of need. Chan encourages readers by saying that even if we think, "Well, I can't be like them, I just don't have that kind of personality or the resources to do it," God will GIVE us the personality and the resources, He will give us everything we need in order to follow and obey Him. Chan gives this example: "A friend of mine was speaking recently. Afterward a guy came up and told him, 'I would go serve God as a missionary overseas, but, honestly, if I went right now it would only be out of obedience.' My friend's response was 'Yes, and...?'" We are to serve God out of obedience, even if it doesn't seem possible, even if we don't WANT to. We can't just sit around waiting for a "call" to obedience, the call to obey Christ has already been given to us, through His Word! Obeying God doesn't necessarily mean that everyone should sell all their stuff and become a missionary. It simply means that we must learn to listen to God, to obey Him, even when it's uncomfortable to do so.

emotion and stuff

2008-11-07T19:35:00.002-06:00

When I worship, I try not to immediately get swept up in the emotion of it. I like to prepare my heart and my mind for worship; I don't like to jump right in without first acknowledging that the only reason I'm able to worship God with a "right" heart is because of His grace. And I also think that too often, Christians are swept up in emotion during worship, and therefore when they're not able to "feel" God's presence at other times, they feel like He's not really there. Something often feels "missing" for Christians who use worship as their means to make them happy. This is something that I personally struggled with a lot when I first became a Christian, so I try to protect myself from it by not looking for an emotional experience as I worship God, but rather I try to approach worship as it is -- my sinful, human soul humbling myself before God, knowing that I am nothing without Him, that worshiping Him is what I'm here on this earth to do, and that it's not about me and what I want to feel at all, but only about Christ.

That being said, it's really amazing when God surprises you. I got home from work today, and even though I had a million things to do -- cleaning, working on my thesis, phone calls, reading for school -- I really wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and snuggle under my covers (in celebration of our first snowfall this season!) and listen to some Christian music. So I laid in the dark, headphones blasting words of praise to God in my ear, and I was suddenly struck with emotion so strongly that I felt like I was going to burst. You know when you feel love so deeply and strongly and passionately that you physically hurt? I don't think I've ever experienced this during worship before, but wow, I felt like I've never loved God more than I did in that particular moment. I know God has been working on me a lot lately, and helping me to understand His Word and His love in ways I never have before, but this was so intense I don't even have words. I can't remember the last time I cried just listening to the words of a praise song, but the tears were flowing like crazy. I could only think, "There's nothing I want more right now than to just hug Jesus, I just want to hug Him." And then I cried even more because I just yearned for Him to wrap His arms around me in a giant bear hug and obviously that's not going to happen while I'm here on this earth, at least not physically, the way you want people who love you and who you love in return to do. I've been praying to God to help me feel His presence lately, because I know that often I'm not looking to feel it. I never again want to subconsciously rely on emotion as the foundation of my faith, but I've been worrying that I've trained myself not to get swept up in emotion so well that I'm not able to feel Him at all anymore. And wow, did God answer my prayer -- I know this feeling wasn't from me at all, it wasn't me just wanting to feel something and making it happen, because that's just... not what I do. God is good.

I've been listening to the song "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham incessantly lately. Those words, For you I sing, I dance/Rejoice in this divine romance/Lift my heart and my hands to show my love/To show my love. So even though I can't give God a giant bear hug, I know that I can lift my heart and hands and voice and thoughts and prayers and everything I have in me to Him in praise, to show how much I love Him.

Sometimes I wonder how I could have gotten so lost -- having experienced the goodness of God, how could I have strayed so far from Him in the past few years? How could I have forgotten His love for me, for His people? How could I have ever denied Him? I know that He's been teaching me more about Himself through my experiences, using it to bring me closer to Him... but I can't believe I ever walked away. I'm so thankful that God has pulled me back to Himself.

These posts have been kind of cornball so far, haven't they? Well, that's okay by me... I'd much rather have joy than the weird "emo kid" feeling I've had the past few years. It's such a relief to be happy again.

giving up sin

2008-11-06T10:19:00.001-06:00

When I look at my relationship with God as a chore, a sacrifice, then I am getting the glory -- not God. I keep saying, "Look what I have sacrificed for God...." or "Listen to what I do for God. It's hard, exhausting, really...." Instead, when we sacrifice, give, and even suffer, we can rejoice because we know that God rewards us. We are always the recipients of His great and manifold gifts. Not the givers. Never the givers.... When we work for Christ out of obligation, it feels like work. But when we truly love Christ, our work is a manifestation of that love, and it feels like love.

---Excerpt from Crazy Love by Francis Chan

This is something I am struggling a lot with at the moment. I know I'm supposed to give up sin out of love for God. I'm supposed to give up myself freely and willingly -- I should desire to give up my sin. But there are certain sins that sadly, I do not want to give up. I'm willing to give them up, and I will give them up, but I'm not giving them up out of any real desire, but rather because I know that's what God wants me to do. Is it awful to give up a sin out of obligation rather than any real desire to do so? I'm hoping God instills within me the desire to give up these sins after I begin to do so, and I'm pretty much banking on the fact that after I begin giving up these sins, the Holy Spirit will fill me and give me the desire to do so, but I feel awful that at the moment, the desire to give them up hasn't filled me yet.

putting myself out there

2008-11-05T21:04:00.002-06:00

For the past few years, I have not sought Christ with everything in my heart. I've floated by, been uncaring of God, downright mad at Him, and unwilling to think about Him, His Son Jesus, His Promises, His Word -- I was not happy, and didn't really understand the basic tenets of Christianity, the reasons why God does certain things. I was frustrated and depressed.

God has been nudging me for a long time now, but I first started responding to his call a few months ago. And it was quite a battle. I would feel myself get drawn into Him, but then wouldn't want to give up my worldly desires in order to follow Him. By the grace of God I've finally said yes to him, and my desire now is to pursue Christ with everything in me, and to live a life that is pleasing to Jesus.

It's going to be a difficult journey, though. Most of my friends, coworkers, and even relatives don't know that I'm a Christian. To explain to them that yes I am a Christian, and have those subsequent conversations -- no I don't agree with abortion, no I don't agree with homosexuality, yes I do believe in hell, yes I believe that even if you think are a good person, you're not going to go to heaven if you don't follow Jesus -- those conversations are going to be difficult. Impossible. I don't know if anyone of them are going to care, or if I'm going to be persecuted. It's scaring the daylights out of me, just imagining what people are going to say. I call upon the Word of God for reassurance.

Matthew 10:32-33
Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.

Jeremiah 1:6-10
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

I don't want to hide from the world, I want to be strong and candid and outright in my faith, in my desire for Christ. I want to be confident, I want to be able to say without hesitation that I am a Christian and I follow and love Jesus. I want to worship Him with my life, my words, my actions, my thoughts, my relationships -- everything in me. I want to WANT to follow God, to become more like Jesus. I want Him to instill within me a desire to give up my old life and take up my cross and follow Him, and to not be afraid to give up friendships, relationships, toward that cause.

When I first became a Christian, I didn't understand why this was so difficult. I went to a Christian school and was surrounded by Christians all the time, EVERYWHERE, and therefore telling people about my love for Christ wasn't hard. I went through a dark period in my life, and have since made close friends with non-Christians who will not understand my newfound faith in Christ. I think maybe God allowed me to go through this dark time so that I will understand what it truly means to give up my life for Him. I would never have understood these passages of Scripture, never would have been able to take this to heart without the experiences I've had and the friendships I now may have to give up, or at least change drastically. I thank Jesus for what He's doing in my life, for helping me to understand God's commands thoroughly, and to understand even just a little bit what Christians in history had to go through in order to follow Christ.

As I write this, I'm preparing to tell my friends, cousins, and coworkers why I no longer will be able to go to parties with them, why I no longer want to watch certain movies, listen to certain music, and read certain books that they recommend to me, why I voted the way I did, why I don't think God supports homosexual unions or actions (read: there's a difference between identifying as gay and having sexual relations with someone of the same gender), why I don't think abortion is right, and most importantly, why I follow Christ. I've never made a stance on any of these issues before, have been content to simply let them slide by when the issues come up, or to even say that I don't know what I think about them, or that I perhaps think a certain way about them but wish that I could think differently. I have denied Jesus, and I pray that He'll forgive me. I pray to God that I will stay strong. I would appreciate prayers from anyone that may be reading, as this is going to be difficult -- but so worthwhile -- for me. I just want Christ to take over my life completely, I don't to try to take control over it anymore. I want to be His and only His.

I've been reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan which has been a huge blessing. I feel like God led me to this book at specifically this time in my life, when I'm struggling to reconnect and follow Him. It's easier for me to see things in black and white, and Chan presents Christianity and how we must follow Christ in just that way. We must give up our worldly lives and desires to follow Christ, no exceptions. I pray that God gives me the strength to do this, and not to do it grudgingly, but willingly and lovingly and with every bone in my body desiring nothing but to follow Him.

I am starting this blog to help me be accountable. I don't want to slide back into old ways, I want to commit myself to this purpose. I'm going to try and post regularly with my thoughts, fears, troubles, etcetera in hopes that journaling all of this will help me to discover God's purpose for my life, and be continually convicted so that my life becomes more and more consumed by Christ's love.

Ever since I recommitted my life to Christ a couple of months ago, I have an incredibly strong desire to have fellowship with other Christians. Even when I first became a Christian, I never desired Christian friendships as much as I do now, have never felt like going to church all the time as I do now. I feel like God is continuing to draw me to Him, and I'm starting to truly feel and appreciate the fullness of His love (Ephesians 3:14-19) more than I ever did before.